Today I've learned that I do fear death. Today I knew someone who died.
When my friend told me the news, I felt my body getting tense with terror. It is not the first time I get news like this. Earlier this year, I received similar news about a person whom I held dear in a corner of my heart. I am not gonna lie.
These people were not my best friends. Not even my friends. More like acquaintances. I am not going to say how wonderful they were because I haven't seen them for four years, maybe five. These were not people I hanged out with in high school, but they were people I knew. People I said hi everytime I saw them and I would engage in small conversation if I found them around. But I knew the people who were their friends. And I knew how close they were to them. And I can feel their pain from afar. And that pain breaks every single fiber inside me.
Once I said I wasn't afraid of dying. Maybe that's true. I am not afraid of dying. But I am afraid of death. Death terrifies me to my core. Maybe is because I am terrified of loneliness because people seem to walk out of my life more than I like. Maybe is because when I love someone, I love them with all that's left of me, and I would give anything for their happiness, and thinking of causing pain is out of the question. I don't know why. Sometimes I don't understand myself. Sometimes? Most of the time.
I hope their families and friends are holding up.
I am thankful that all the people I love are still around. The ones that are still around.
Rest in Peace.
PS: As I was writing the previous post, it came to my mind that, if I was a superhero, I would have the power of empathy.